Naked Coldness

 Letter to a lover,

Baby, I love you with every fiber of my being. Emotional scars imprinted on my heart from the words you fling so freely, leave me in a state of hurt and confusion.  I hear you speak of how much you love me and that I am the most wonderful human being in this world, yet you leave me empty and lonely.  Life and love are on your terms, you give and you take away depending on the direction of your mood. I beg and I plead yet it falls on deaf ears. Do I matter to you anymore, or do I need to give up and walk away? Why do you love on conditions, withhold, is it out of a desire to manipulate?

I fell in love with a man who no longer exists in my life. You were completely aware, I didn’t want to fall in love that my heart was guarded and that I was alright with this. I knew how to handle these walls which surrounded my heart. It was a safe haven for my soul.

I now feel you were on a search and conquer mission, you came into my life-like a violent wind, you loved, gave, cared and put you heart out there, passion oozed from your pours, you made sure I heard from you sunrise and sunset and somewhere in-between day after day, there were tokens of affection drenching my heart.  You reached for me and never looked back.  You robbed my emotions like a thief in the night and weaved them into your lies.

 You got what you worked so diligently for, I am here, I fell and fell hard. I have loved you with the deepest love known possible, showered you with kindness and affection, my every whim revolved around pleasing you, I treated like the king you say you are, and you say you have never been treated with so much tenderness and devotion. Now you scold me, abuse me with your tone, leave me sad and lonely for me just being me. You put forth no effort; you say it is what it is. You push me out silently with your coldness, yet you say nothing has changed. What happened to the man I fell in love with, were you just a fraud? Should my eyes be directed towards the most wanted list?  You plotted your scheme, you got what you wanted and then you leave emotionally and physically, ripping my heart out and leaving me gasping for one last breath.

I sit and wait for a sign, a grain of hope that you are back, but you keep me in the prison of your control. I am very sadden, my heart lies bleeding for the love I feel for you doesn’t matter to you anymore. I sit with a naked coldness, tears falling uncontrollably, so I stand out in the night shadows and scatter my kisses to the wind.

For if something doesn’t happen soon, I will be forced to depart and what breaks my heart the most, is I adore and love you with every beat of my heart. I have never loved with a love like this and it hurts so intensely to keep feeling rejected, even worse for you to throw me a morsel of affection now and then, it opens my heart again for hope, floods my memories of the past, only to remind me of my current naked coldness.

       Copyright 2010 Dani Thornton-Stock ~ Cashmereheart

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